Sarah’s stomach knotted as her boss smiled across the conference table. “That presentation was outstanding, Sarah. Really impressive work.” The words should have felt like sunshine, but instead they felt like ice water. She managed a weak smile and mumbled something about being lucky with the data. Twenty minutes later, when her colleague pointed out that her slides had a formatting issue, she felt her shoulders relax. Finally, something that made sense.
This wasn’t the first time Sarah had felt more comfortable with criticism than praise. At home, when her partner complimented her cooking, she’d immediately point out everything she’d done wrong. But when he mentioned the pasta was a bit overcooked, she’d nod thoughtfully and make a mental note for next time.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Millions of people feel genuinely uncomfortable with praise while finding criticism strangely comforting. Psychology has some fascinating explanations for why our brains sometimes work this way.
The Hidden Psychology Behind Praise Anxiety
People who are uncomfortable with praise aren’t being modest or humble. They’re experiencing a genuine psychological response rooted in how their brains learned to process feedback early in life.
Dr. Jennifer Martinez, a clinical psychologist specializing in self-esteem, explains: “When praise feels dangerous, it’s usually because someone’s nervous system was trained to associate positive attention with unpredictability or conditions. The brain learned that criticism was safer because it was consistent.”
This happens when children grow up in environments where praise was rare, conditional, or followed by expectations. Maybe compliments came with strings attached, or positive feedback was quickly followed by higher demands. Over time, the developing brain creates a simple equation: praise equals danger, criticism equals safety.
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people with unstable self-esteem actually process positive feedback as less credible than negative feedback. Their brains literally work harder to dismiss compliments than to accept criticism.
How Your Brain Reacts to Praise vs. Criticism
The physical response to being uncomfortable with praise is real and measurable. When someone who struggles with compliments receives positive feedback, their body often reacts as if they’re under threat.
Here’s what happens in your brain and body:
- Heart rate increases as your nervous system activates
- Cortisol levels spike because your brain interprets praise as stressful
- Attention narrows as you scan for hidden meanings or conditions
- Memory encoding changes making you less likely to remember the compliment accurately
- Self-talk accelerates with thoughts like “they don’t really mean it” or “they’re just being nice”
Meanwhile, criticism activates a completely different system. Dr. Robert Chen, a neuroscientist studying feedback processing, notes: “For people uncomfortable with praise, criticism often triggers the brain’s problem-solving networks rather than threat-detection systems. They feel competent dealing with problems, but lost when handling success.”
| Response to Praise | Response to Criticism |
|---|---|
| Increased anxiety and stress | Focused problem-solving mode |
| Urge to deflect or minimize | Willingness to listen and learn |
| Physical discomfort (blushing, tension) | Calm, analytical thinking |
| Self-doubt and questioning | Clear action steps |
| Imposter syndrome activation | Sense of familiarity and control |
The Real-World Impact of Praise Discomfort
Being uncomfortable with praise affects more than just awkward moments after compliments. It shapes career trajectories, relationships, and personal growth in profound ways.
In professional settings, people who struggle with positive feedback often:
- Undervalue their contributions during salary negotiations
- Avoid opportunities that would showcase their strengths
- Work longer hours to “prove” they deserve any recognition they receive
- Turn down promotions or leadership roles because they don’t feel “qualified enough”
Dr. Amanda Foster, who studies workplace psychology, observes: “I see brilliant people sabotage their own success because they can’t internalize positive feedback. They’ll work twice as hard after criticism but dismiss achievements as luck or timing.”
Personal relationships suffer too. Partners, friends, and family members often stop offering compliments because they’re consistently deflected or rejected. This creates a cycle where people uncomfortable with praise receive even less positive feedback, reinforcing their belief that criticism is more “real” or honest.
Breaking Free from the Criticism Comfort Zone
The good news is that brains are remarkably adaptable. People can learn to become more comfortable with praise through intentional practice and awareness.
Mental health professionals recommend several strategies:
- Notice the physical response when receiving praise without immediately deflecting
- Practice saying “thank you” instead of explaining why the compliment isn’t deserved
- Write down compliments to help your brain process them as real information
- Challenge automatic thoughts that dismiss positive feedback
- Gradually increase tolerance by accepting small compliments first
Dr. Lisa Thompson, a cognitive behavioral therapist, suggests: “Start by simply noticing when you’re uncomfortable with praise. Don’t try to change anything at first. Just observe how your body and mind react. Awareness is the first step toward change.”
The process takes time because you’re essentially rewiring neural pathways that formed over years or decades. But people who work on becoming more comfortable with praise often report improved self-esteem, better relationships, and greater career satisfaction.
Understanding why some people feel uncomfortable with praise while relaxing into criticism isn’t about fixing a character flaw. It’s about recognizing how early experiences shape our nervous systems and learning that we can create new patterns as adults.
FAQs
Is it normal to feel uncomfortable with praise?
Yes, many people struggle with accepting compliments, especially those who grew up with conditional approval or frequent criticism.
Can therapy help with praise anxiety?
Absolutely. Cognitive behavioral therapy and other approaches can help people develop healthier responses to positive feedback.
Why do I trust criticism more than compliments?
Your brain may have learned that criticism was more predictable and honest, while praise felt conditional or unreliable.
How long does it take to get comfortable with praise?
It varies by person, but with consistent practice, most people see improvement within several months of focused effort.
Should I force myself to accept all compliments?
Start small and build gradually. Forcing acceptance can create more anxiety initially.
Can children learn to be uncomfortable with praise?
Yes, children develop their relationship with feedback based on early experiences with parents, teachers, and caregivers.